moose_mcmoose | Ways And Means (Reply)

Another apology from me for writing another depressing drabble. I'm blaming the fact I haven't had a pizza in weeks. *yearns*

I am off to get some good old chocolate after this though so a win for me.

Title: Ways and Means
Rating: Pg-13/R/who knows
Characters: Wilson
Words: 321
Summary: sick!Wilson. Short, not sweet and a bit depressing. No character death though so hooray for that.

What's odd is that you could swallow the whole tube of pills now and this would all be over.

But you don't want to die. You just want the turmoil to subside, even if it's for the briefest of moments, so you can feel what is like to smile without it betraying what you feel underneath.

You pour the pills onto the coffee table.

You don't know if that is possible any more. The edges around that carefully constructed, gentle, caring persona you have conjured have become so blurred that you don't know where you actually begin.

That's what depresses you the most. You don't know who you are, who you were or who you have been.

You're a series of characters. You pick and choose them to suit your purpose. Each one has their own shirt and tie combination hanging regally in your closet.

Sometimes if you're feeling that little less tense than usual you mix it up a bit. Maybe combine that ugly green tie with that ugly checked shirt or perhaps buy a different shirt all together. It happens but only occasionally.

A harsh, bitter laugh escapes your lips as you bring your balled fist down on the pills, crushing them into a gritty white powder

You're pathetic. Off the pills you're depressed, on the pills you're depressed.

You know they aren't working any more so what's the use in taking them.

At least when you're off them you have an excuse to be miserable. You'd rather be drug-free and miserable.

In your eyes that is better than being drug-dependent and more depressed due to the drugs not working because you're so fucked up you're beyond help.

That's your thought for now anyway.

You scoop the crushed pills from the table and pour them down the sink, running the water to clear the dust away.

For now it's fine. You're calm and you're accepting it.

You know this won't last though.